


when you dream of me tonight, am i closer to where you are?

by joshfranachos



Category: We Are the In Crowd
Genre: F/M, pining!jordan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-10-04
Updated: 2013-10-04
Packaged: 2017-12-28 08:38:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,582
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/989981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joshfranachos/pseuds/joshfranachos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>he leaves before jordan can say, no, wait, take her off me, i hate people with emotions, and jordan is left with this girl in his bed and the knowledge that tomorrow he'll probably wake up next to tay and that it will hurt a lot more than he ever wants to deal with.</p><p>or: a fic in which jordan is pining over tay. au, duh.</p>
            </blockquote>





	when you dream of me tonight, am i closer to where you are?

jordan really fucking hates tay's boyfriend with his stupidly perfect laugh and his boringly perfect smile and his perfectly hilarious jokes and his fucking gorgeous face. he hates the way tay adores him, and he hates the way he thinks he's known her longer than any of them, and he really hates the look tay gets when she gets off the phone to him or when he comes to see them or when he's stayed over and they come down to breakfast together. it's a look jordan would like to punch off her stupid face. a lot.

jordan hates him even more when he breaks up with tay, and leaves her looking a little bit hollow underneath the manic grinning, and a little less like tay.

that look lasts for weeks and jordan ignores the part of him that wants to kiss it off tay. he mostly stays out of the way because he's pretty hopeless at this sort of thing and cameron's got it covered anyway, and when he's too exhausted or too upset himself rob or mike take over, and it's no big deal that all jordan does is offer the odd one armed hug or cup of tea or hair ruffle on his way outside for a smoke. it's just him being him. it's fine.

then one day jordan walks in on cameron and tay having a fight. he's not completely sure what it's about, but he thinks it's got something to do with cameron never leaving tay alone and never letting her breathe, which means it's really about tay feeling shitty for letting him look after her and cameron feeling like crap for not making any difference. they don't turn and look at him at all but he can't let them do this to each other, so he walks to tay's side and slings an arm around her shoulders, giving them a quick squeeze.

"everything alright?" he asks, looking at cameron and hoping he understands that jordan's not taking tay's side, he just needs him to back off and go away and calm down so jordan can get tay calmed down and they can be all right again.

cameron blows out a lot of hot air and says, "i wish you'd just fucking let me help, tay," before walking out without his coat. jordan hugs tay and pretends not to notice her shaking, and then rob comes in and jordan widens his eyes like, help me, she's being all emotional and i can't cope and rob looks at him like he's hopeless but he takes over.

jordan goes out for a smoke and tries not to think too much about how hugging tay had felt, because he's probably in the most touchy feel-y band ever and he's hugged tay a lot. it really shouldn't mean anything anymore.

that night, jordan is woken by the sound of his door creaking open and he hears someone's socked feet shuffle across the floor, dragging a little like they're still half-asleep. he turns over, a sharp stab of alarm not really being enough to get him up, but then he thinks he recognizes tay's silhouette and he just thinks, oh, this dream again.

the bed sinks slightly underneath dream-tay's weight and jordan pulls the blanket away from underneath him and then throws it over her once she's settled down, a couple of inches away with her eyes closed and breathing even. she looks angelic, which is half all wrong and half all perfect. jordan turns over so he's facing dream-tay and shuffles in because he wants to in this probably too-short dream, and he puts his arm over tay's waist. tay makes a snuffling sound and then turns her head a little towards jordan, and he falls asleep with tay's too-warm breath across his face and the thought, i wish this didn't feel so real.

when jordan wakes up again it's still dark, but this time he wakes up fully. he can't see any reason for tay to be in his bed and the fact that he is almost has him flinching away. for some reason he looks up to the doorway, and standing in the light from the hall is cameron.

"it's okay," cameron whispers. jordan wonders how shocked and guilty he must look. "i just came looking for her." jordan raises an eyebrow cameron probably can't see but apparently can sense, because he smiles a little more and says, "i know, but she's been sleepwalking into bed with me almost every night for a while now, and then after that stupid fight she didn't and i went to check she was okay and she was gone, so... now she's here." cameron shrugs, "it's okay."

he leaves before jordan can say, no, wait, take her off me, i hate people with emotions, and jordan is left with this girl in his bed and the knowledge that tomorrow he'll probably wake up next to tay and that it will hurt a lot more than he ever wants to deal with.

then, almost like tay's read a script from one of jordan's dreams, she makes this soft little whining sound and rolls into his body so they're pressed all up against each other and it's almost perfect. somehow jordan falls asleep, but he's got a feeling it's got more to do with the ten hour days they're pulling to get their album recorded than any kind of natural relaxation.

***

when jordan wakes up, tay is gone.

he spends a long time staring at the ceiling trying to push the hurt down and away and out. in the shower he makes himself repeat over and over all the reasons it doesn't matter.

then he goes out for a smoke and doesn't let himself think about why he's planning his day to avoid spending any time alone at all with tay.

***

there's this picture jordan's got on his phone. it's from his old phone so the quality's a bit shitty, but it doesn't matter, because it's a picture of tay at her most still, and she's looking at that horrible asshole of a boyfriend of hers, and her entire face is all lit up.

jordan stares and stares at the picture too much of the time when he's alone. he's not exactly sure what the others would say if they found it, but there's just no way he's deleting it. the look on tay's face is just too... close to everything jordan's wants and he tortures himself with not having it. the day after tay got into bed with him jordan spends a long time staring at it, and it's double the torture than before.

"thought i'd find you out here," tay loops an arm around his own and pushes her face into his chest. jordan scrambles to get his phone away and drops his cigarette, swearing and elbowing tay away without meaning to. he looks up to see that tay's face has fallen and she looks away from jordan and down at the ground.

"about last night..." jordan hears himself say, and tay cuts him off before he can figure out what comes next.

"yeah, i'm really sorry," tay says, still not looking up. "it was just this stupid thing that happened and i'm really sorry for invading your bedroom. it wasn't- god. jordan, it was just- i'm really sorry. if it happens again just kick me out."

jordan doesn't know what to say. he kind of stands there, dumbly, with his hands in his pockets and no clue how to make tay feel better without making a total prick out of himself. and then tay shuffles a bit and turns around to go inside, and then jordan suddenly thinks, making a prick of yourself is the point sometimes, and moves, and then he's got tay's wrist clutched in his hand. she turns and her wide eyes terrify jordan so he looks at tay's feet instead.

"don't be sorry," he says, tongue tripping over itself to get the words out so he's not responsible for them anymore. "i'm not- i-fuck, tay." he looks up then and tay definitely isn't looking at jordan the way he desperately wants to be looked at, but she’s not horrified either, so jordan takes a deep breath and says, "it was fucking horrible waking up this morning and seeing you'd just gone."

jordan drops his eyes and tay's hand: his job done. he's pretty sure he's going to run away if tay doesn't stop him in the next three seconds, and then tay says, "oh," and takes something from her pocket, and then she says, "jordan?" and he looks up into an iphone and there's the click of a picture being taken.

tay lowers her phone with a soft, surprised grin. it is tay and it's not, but jordan's too confused to figure it out.

"what?" he asks, as tay walks into him.

"you had starry eyes," she tells him, still grinning happily. "i wanted to remember them. in case you punched me and i lost my short term memory."

jordan's not sure, because his brain won't quite catch up, but he doesn't think tay's making fun of him, and he thinks he knows where this is going, so he asks, "why would i punch you?"

"because i want to do this," tay tells him, and threads her fingers into his hair and pulls him into a kiss.

oh, right, jordan thinks, and learns what tay's grin tastes like.


End file.
